rainy saturday afternoon

There wasn't a cloud today...the sky was blue...and the sun shined on everything,making everything even more beautiful than it already was..." I cry myself to sleep"...Todays' motto...I did it twice or three times...I don't quite remember...Outside,everything was like in a summer painting.Inside...black has more light than I had...A reason?Hm...time...time to be alone...to think,feel,to see,to dream...And maybe also cry...To maybe...finally feel better.Understanding?Yes,of course,as usual..I got used to it...Happy?Pourquoi pas?Aujourd'hui a ete...I summer day...The ugly part is that...I would have loved this day...It almost felt like the summer was here...my beloved summer was here...Malheureusement...that was,as almost all things,a lie.What have I felt or thought today?I have no idea...I guess I felt pain,sadness...and some other boring things..I've listened to songs that I've avoided.I smashed a window with my fist...Got grounded for doing that...Well...what can I say?Today started great...and kept on getting better and better...I can't remember the last time I had to fight ,to keep my tears from falling as I did today...
My activities today?Well...at some point...I went out..but the light,the blue sky and the happy ppl I saw drove me back to my room....to my lonely self...I closed my eyes...to forget...It didn't work...It never does...Not when it's about you...I have tried to forget what I feel...what I know...bad luck...bad luck...bad luck...bad luck...bad luck...bad luck...bad luck...bad luck...
happy ending.loved it!didn't you?

multe

So...Maine e o zi...sa zicem mai speciala...Asa-zisa zi a Indragostitilor.Intrebare intrebatoare:chiar ne trebuie o zi anume pe an pentru a celebra cel mai frumos sentiment?Trebuie sa am o zi anume in care sa iti spun ca te iubesc?Sau sa imi soptesti tu asta?Hm...ciudat...De ce avem nevoie de un numar limitat de ore pentru a ne arata dragostea?Hm...nu imi ajung..24 de ore imi sunt mai mult decat insuficiente...Si apoi...nici nu vad exact de ce ar trebui sa am numai atat timp sa fii al meu.
De ce trebuie sa am o singura si sa exprim ce simt cand...Cand pot in orice moment al oricarei zile sau/si nopti sa strig cat pot de tare,cat sa ma auda toata lumea,ce simt,cat iubesc...Cu alte cuvinte,ca traiesc.De ce as trai numai o zi?Traiesc de acum mai muuuuuuult timp.Si voi continua sa o fac,strecurand cate un "te iubesc" si un pupic intre...zambete,plimbari,carti citite si alte lucruri...departe de lumea demiurgica in care suntem doar noi doi.
Happy day,my love!

Eu

Eu...ce inseamna "eu" azi?Probabil...cel putin ,in principiu,o persoana...o particula a societatii mult prea mercantilista si pierduta in "politica izolationista"....Vremea a inceput in sfarsit sa se schimbe..au aparut ghioceii...adusi...cel putin primavara asta,de un chip iubit ...Soarele rasare mai devreme,apune mai tarziu...e tot ce imi puteam dori.Ziua este mai lunga.Cu ea...parca...si speranta mea traieste mai mult,tocmai datorita acestei lumini calde,ca o mangaiere dulce a chipului iubit...
Vad cum tot ce e in jurul meu...prinde viata iar,dupa un somn apasator,dureros si mut.Totul prinde glas si imi sopteste..mai bine zis...Tipa la mine...Spunandu-mi "verde in fata" tot ce imi doresc,tot ce gandesc...Ordonandu-mi sa imi ascult sufletul...Daca inca nu l-am pierdut...Si am inceput...usor-usor...sa cad prada propriilor vise,temeri si ....altor animale domestice.
Cred ca sunt cuprinsa de astenia de primavara...ma linisteste si ma agita in acelasi timp...nu stiu exact...Dar nici nu ma agit prea tare sa aflu...Prefer sa sar peste detalii de data asta...Sa le ignor si sa nu imi pese catusi de putin de viitoarele/anterioarele consecinte.
De azi,nu imi mai pasa.De azi,traiesc doar pentru vara!
Implicit...si pentru mine.Doar.

what if...?

I can feel the change...It has already started...Hm...I wonder...Who am I?Who is... "me"?What if...
What if I am...the one that I just didn't know or like yet?What if...if I am going to be just the thing ...kind... I have tried to run away from?What if I am becoming ....Altceva?Ceva total opus starii anterioare si actuale?Ceva...mai "colorat"?What if..I am part of the pattern that I have avoided ?Pana acum...Deja...ma schimb...Si m-am schimbat...
Pana la urma...nu puteam fugi vesnic de ceea ce sunt,nu?Sau de ceea ce voi fi...si inca nu stiu,nu vad,nu aud,nu vreau.
What if...?Chiar asa...What if...?Si ce?
Si...what if I won't be the one you loved?Or the one that you fell in love with?
I dream...

It's been a while

It's been a while since I have spoken the last time...Bucuresti,parc,liniste de mormant,tulburata doar de respiratia ta plina de soapte si ganduri ascunse,nespuse mie.Isn't it ironic?Te priveam si incercam sa iti vorbesc..cuvintele nu ma paraseau..Nu iti puteam spune...Si,in fond,ce sa iti spun?Ca sunt trista?Sau ca inca te iubesc?Ca te iubesc mai mult cand esti langa mine?Sau ca te urasc atunci cand esti departe si nu ajung la tine?
Ti-as fi spus multe...Si totusi...Cred ca imbratisarea mea a facut cat o mie de cuvinte.